Pokemon: The Ultimate Super Duper Schway Adventure
by Delicious Mud Pie
Summary: Lots of cussing, not particularily funny, just random acts of obscenities and violence. Makes fun of some movies, a couple of pokemon stories not seriously,


Parody

A scary movie type fic making fun of my own stories and my favorite ff.net stories. Don't be offended if something in here is reminiscent of one of your fics—that just means I love it! I love EVERYTHING I parodied.

And, as the free advertisement I promised:

Read "Midsummer Dreams" by Trish (I get to dance with Brock in it!!! **~melt~**)

Read "Bittersweet (uh, it's in my faves, bittersweet something)" by Arrow

And read stuff by Ariala

These were the things I used in this

But they're some of my favorite stories, that's why I have those parts included. ^_^

BTW—Arrow and Ariala are in this. And they're REALLY OOC. I was just messing with their heads. Sorry.

Pokemon: The Ultimate Super Duper Schway Sweet Fantastic Adventure!

"Rubber ducky, you're the one!" Brock sang in the bathtub, maintaining the composure of his shower cap all the while. "I love you rubber ducky!"

"Brock!" Misty shouted, bursting into the bathroom, "no time for rubber ducky!"

Brock clung to his ducky defensively, then frowned in anger at Misty.

"You're lucky this is a bubble bath, or you'd be getting a show!"

"A freak show," Misty grumbled, "come on! You've got to watch the news!"

Misty slammed the door while walking out of the room. Brock, grumbling, stood from the bath and turned around very quickly to slip into his clothes. He left an annoying puddle of soapy water on the bathroom floor, then walked into the living room.

Ash and Misty's eyes were glued to the television, and Brock joined them.

"Alien space ships are hovering over every major gym on pokemon island," the newscaster explained while standing in front of a luminous, intimidating space ship. "No one knows what they're here for, but the government advises us to stay calm and remain in our homes."

"Yeah," Brock rolled his eyes, "right."

"Let's get some comments," the newscaster decided, then turned to the closest yokel running for his life.

"What do you think about the situation?" the reporter asked.

"I think it sucks!" the dude replied.

"There you have it, folks," the reporter sighed, then hunted for someone else. 

"You!" she stuck the microphone in the face of a starry-eyed young meth addict, "how do you feel about this?"

"Like," the girl blinked, "I want to have E.T.'s baby!"

"I don't think that would be anatomically possible," Brock pondered while scratching his chin.

"I dunno," Misty pondered as well, "he did get pretty turned on by the chick in that romance movie."

Ash turned the T.V. off, since it would be hard to think of more good lines for idiot, talk show trash bystanders. 

"What are we gonna do?" Ash wondered. "I mean, my family is okay, but you guys lived in gyms."

"Maybe they really do just want to reproduce with our women," Misty chided the issue.

"God!" Brock's eyes bugged out, "we've got to stop them!"

"At least they wouldn't be killing us," Misty seemed confused.

"Worse," Brock grumbled, "I have enough competition! I don't want to have to compete with aliens too! I know Chewbacca was really hairy, but he's a lot taller than me! And he's friends with Han Solo!"

"And we can't forget about Invader Zim," Misty teased, "he's incredibly hot."

"Shaddup, you two," Ash ordered, this is serious!"

----------Meanwhile, in Professor Oak's Lab. . .

"One more bomb," Tracey began to sweat as he carefully right-clicked the mouse on the tiny gray square. 

"What?" his eyes boggled as the screen went blank. "Dear lord! Something is interrupting my minesweeper connection!"

Tracey tried to get into other programs, but they all just took him to a McDonalds web page.

"Curse you, McHitler!" Tracey shouted, waving his fist in the air. "Curse you!"

"Hey crust-ass," came a voice from behind him, "what're you doing?"

"Oh," Tracey greeted the guy, "hey Gary. I was playing minesweeper, but the goddam computer just keeps taking me to this infernal McDonalds site!"

"Lemme see that," Gary shoved Tracey's chair aside. He fiddled with the computer for a moment, then let Tracey return to it. "You're right! It won't do anything! Gramps must have gotten a virus while downloading his porn!" Tracey continued trying to fix it while Gary went on talking, "but anyway, did you hear about the alien space ships hovering over the gyms?"

"Alien space ships?!" Tracey boggled, "that explains it!"

"Explains what, butt-muffin?" Gary asked.

"I can't explain now," Tracey suddenly became flustered, "but we've got to get to the elite four right away!"

"Yeah, right," Gary stepped back, "the biggest of the ships is over that joint,they'd have to butter my ass with Krispy Kremes to get me to go there, I mean--"

"Oh," Tracey grumbled, "shut your ass for once! You're going and you know it!"

"And why should I?"

"I don't have my license!"

---------------Meanwhile, at Lt. Surge's gym, a meeting between drafted soldiers

"You guys are the best, you guys are the elite!" Surge paced back and forth. "Baby, we got it goin' ON!"

"Sir," one eager young soldier interrupted, "I'd like to know when we can get our big hairy behinds out there and bust some space-man ass, sir!"

"They could be perfectly nice," Surge argued.

"Yeah goddam right," the mysterious soldier muttered, "Sir."

----------------At a mysterious night club

Delia Ketchum licked the pole seductively, then twirled around and around and around and around and around it until she felt like throwing up. What did it matter? No one was in the place anyway.

"Can I go home, boss?" she asked her boss.

"No way," her boss replied. "Even though no one is in here and we're making no money, I'd rather make sure you get fried by aliens and never see your family again. I'd rather stay and watch that then get the hell out myself."

"Dammit," Delia frowned, "I'm tired of your shit. Let my ass go home."

"Oh, big words for such a little girl," Her boss teased.

"Awww, suck my nuts," Delia flipped her boss off and left for home.

What? Like she was gonna be a moron and stay on the off chance that her butt wouldn't be blown to bits by alien spacecraft? Not when she had Oakie pokie in bed at home! The bastard could support her if he wanted booty every night. She only kept the job to raise her kid, but where the hell was he ever?

--------------Back with the stupid kids

A newsflash came on the TV as the three kids still stupidly watched it.

"Urgent news! All computer signals have caused every computer to constantly be on the McDonalds website! What a torturous occurrence!"

"What will I do?" Brock gasped, wondering if his special downloads were gone forever.

"Pikapikapika!" Pikachu began chirping, then ran to the window, its tail wagging. 

"Someone must be here," Ash ran to the window to look outside as well. 

"It's Tracey and Gary!" Brock exclaimed, stating the obvious for the benefit of the audience.

"I'm so glad they came," Misty suddenly developed a southern drawl, "by golly gee whiz, I've been a hankerin' to see them."

Tracey ran up to the door while Gary remained behind, honking the car's ass off. 

"You guys," Tracey panted, "come with us to see the Elite Four! We're all in danger, and I have proof!"

"Well, for shit's sake," Brock began, "there are huge alien space ships over all our important buildings! Of course we're in trouble!"

"Well, they think the aliens might be friendly," Tracey gritted his teeth, "and they're trying to make us all stay at home! Just come with me!"

"Why do we have to go?" Ash asked.

"Uh," Tracey blushed a little, "Gary and I forgot how to get to the pokemon league building. His cheerleaders drove him before."

"Oh God," Ash rolled his eyes, and they were off for the Elite Four.

----------Elite Four Headquarters

"Like, you don't think I look totally, you know, 'elite' in this blazer?"

"How the FUCK did my sister get to be pokemon master," Misty gritted her teeth.

"Damned be the blazer," Tracey flashed his laptop in her face, "you see these numbers? On the 'numbers served' sign?"

"Like, they're going down," she seemed puzzled. "Like, that's impossible, right?"

"Unless people puked their food back into the wrappers, yes," Tracey agreed. "But they're going down on the website because IT'S A COUNTDOWN! Don't you see? They're using our very own McDonalds against us!"

"But like," Daisy was still confused, "why didn't they set the clocks on their little space ships?"

"Because they take us for fools!" Tracey's eyes practically bugged out.

"With the leader we have," Misty whispered to Brock, "I can see why."

"She probably gave Lance sexual favors to take a dive," Brock whispered back, but had a vacant look in his eyes.

"So, like," Daisy scratched her head, "what does it mean?"

"We need to get the hell out of here, dingle berry!" Gary interjected.

"Oh," Daisy's face paled. "Right."

"Only fifty minutes left," Tracey's pulse began to race.

So, three hours went by and they evacuated gyms and climbed on top of a huge aerodactal to take them far, far from there. Just as they were leaving, the place went boom, the fire chasing after them dramatically.

"Where are we going now?" Tracey asked somberly.

"Duh," Daisy batted her eyes annoyingly, "like, Area 51, where else would we find stuff out about aliens?"

-----------------Area 51

The day wore on as all the gyms were blown to pieces. The space ships seemed to be moving on to other places of note, like the largest pokemon centers.

"Why?" Brock asked, drinking some whisky heavily. "Why do they just want to blow us up?"

"Maybe they think they're playing a giant game of Sim City," Misty pondered. "I love inflicting disaster on my cities."

Tracey, Gary and Ash sat around the table, wondering where Brock got the booze.

"Let's do something to take our minds off of this," Tracey considered. 

"How can we get our minds off the fact that we're gonna die, fucknut?" Gary asked.

"Easy," Tracey waved a hand, "we play truth or dare."

Gary actually shrugged and took the idea with grace. "Hey, we might as well force lewd sexual acts upon each other before we die."

"But Misty's the only girl," Ash pointed out.

"Shut up, you," Misty hissed.

"You go first, Tracey," Gary insisted. "You brought it up."

"Okay," Tracey looked around nervously, then his gaze landed on Brock. "Brock, truth or dare?"

"Truth," Brock blurted, after thinking more about the fact that Misty was the only girl, and people don't like to see other people perform lewd sexual acts that they enjoy in these situations.

Tracey was a bit surprised, but had a hard time coming up with a question, so he asked the lamest one in history. 

"Have you ever kissed a girl?"

"Dah, well, ah--"

"The apple pie doesn't count!" Misty blurted.

"I didn't kiss it!" Brock blurted, then quickly blushed and covered his mouth with his hands.

"That answers THAT question," Ash seemed a little unnerved.

"Well Brock," Tracey grinned, "your turn."

"Yes!" Brock said, then shook it off, not wanting to seem to eager. "Um, err, Misty, truth or dare?"

Misty eyed Brock carefully. Would he make her do something sexual with him, or with someone else? Unsure of this question, she took the safe route. "Truth."

"Damn," Brock whispered, hopefully inaudibly. "Well, uh, Misty--"

"He wants to know if you'd perform a lewd sexual act on him," Gary interrupted.

"Quiet, you!" Brock growled, then turned back to Misty. "Uh," _damn, took my question_, "what's your deepest, darkest secret?"

Misty blinked a little, thinking a moment.

"Uh, damn, this had to come out sometime," she sighed. "Uh, that bike Ash stole, err, it wasn't really mine."

"WHAT?" Ash's eyes widened, his pulse racing. "Then what have you been following me for?"

_Oh no_, Brock grumbled, _now he's gonna get all the nookie!_

__"Well," she seemed incredibly sheepish. Her cheeks flushed pink, her pulse raced, and her breathing quickened. Ash seemed drowned in anticipation as she gave her answer.

"I borrowed the bike from the local drug lord," she winced, "and he was going to break my kneecaps for not giving it back. So I had to leave town. I figured there was safety in numbers—so I followed you."

All the males in the room gave a sigh of relief.

"Misty's turn!" Brock announced, a little too giddily.

"All right," Misty grinned, snapping her neck around to face Ash, "what's YOUR deepest, darkest, McNastiest secret?"

"That's easy," Ash grinned. "You know how my mom is always telling me to wear clean underwear?"

All eyes in the room widened, wondering the horrors that could escape his lips next—

"I don't wear underwear."

Everyone facevaulted, nearly dying at the notion.

"My turn now!" Ash growled. "Gary!"

"Dare!" Gary insisted, not even having to be asked.

"All right," Ash said, although he'd been intending to ask the deepest darkest secret question. "Errrr, ah, I dare you to, moon--"

"C'mon," Gary rolled his eyes, "you can do better than that."

"Okay," Ash's grin broadened, "I dare you to—give Tracey a lap dance!"

Gary actually started laughing.

"Not bad," he shook his head, "but I could do worse."

Gary stood up, and a completely red-faced Tracey didn't know what to do. He contemplated running the hell out of the room, but the game _was_ his suggestion.

"C'mere, baby," Gary laughed again, then kneeled in Tracey's lap.

Tracey's heart was pounding and he was sweating, but the sweating ended up laughter as Gary began to disco.

"Shake shake shake," he sang, "shake shake shake, shake yo boootay, shake yo bootay—c'mon!"

"Heeey," Ash frowned, "that's--"

"You didn't say what kind of lap dance," Gary snorted. "My turn now."

Everyone's eyes were on Tracey, expecting Gary to go in the established order.

"Tracey!" Gary grinned. "Pick."

"Double dog dare," Tracey laughed, wondering what was the worst he could come up with.

"Okay," Gary scratched his chin, "better than I'd hoped for."

He contemplated a moment, then snapped his fingers.

"I got it!" he grinned. "Get totally naked, then give Misty a lap dance!"

Tracey's face fell, and his entirety shrank in pre-embarrassment. He wouldn't back out on the dare, though. Misty seemed to be enjoying his discomfort.

Tracey reluctantly began slipping off his clothes. He shivered more with each removed piece, and his face stayed redder than a turnip. When he was totally unclothed, he held his hands over his fun parts, then shook as he walked over to Misty.

"Don't you think that's enough?" Ash blinked, blinked away tears of laughter.

"Nope," Gary stole Brock's liquor from where he sat and drank some of it, "he asked for it."

Tracey stepped over to Misty gingerly, about to kneel down in her lap—when he completely passed out, face down in her lap.

"Oh God!" Misty shrieked, "get him off of me! Boy cooties!"

Brock and Gary pried Tracey off of Misty, laughing all the way. They laid Tracey down on a sofa and threw a blanket over him, then continued their game.

"Since Tracey can't go," Ash sniggered, "I will! Brock!"

"What about Misty?" Brock frowned.

"I picked you," Ash grinned. "Truth or dare?"

Brock looked over to the fainted Tracey and the choice was obvious. "Truth."

Ash rubbed his hands together maniacally.

"So Brock," he grinned, "what REALLY happened between you and--"

"Don't say it!" Brock fell to the floor.

"You have to answer," Gary prodded, "you picked truth!"

"All right," Brock gave up and sighed. "You got me."

Everyone was all ears as he began his tale.

"Well," his eyes shifted back and forth and his face reddened, as if he was too embarrassed to say what happened. "She—she always beat me at Marvel vs. Capcom!"

The gasp could be heard around the world.

"So what?" Misty's eyes widened, and she jumped up and stood over Brock threateningly. "What's so bad about that?"

"Do you know how embarrassing it is to be beaten by A GIRL?" he nearly began hyperventilating.

Ash and Gary shook their heads in shame.

"I feel your pain," Ash nodded.

"God, I never knew," Gary frowned in empathy, "I'm so, so sorry."

"Y'all are freaks!" Misty shouted, then pummeled them all with her mallet.

"I had to get out of there," Brock continued, shaking his head sadly.

"Where am I?" Tracey muttered, waking up from his fainting spell.

BOOM!

The door suddenly caved in, and a hundred shadows marched in from behind it.

"It's Tracey!" the ringleader shouted, "kill him!"

"What the fuck?" Gary asked, blinking.

"Aaaah!" Tracey shouted, jumping nude from the blankets and running from the mob.

The crowd, equipped with every manner of chainsaws and pitchforks and torches and other torturous devices chased after the nude young man.

"We've gotta save him!" Misty realized as they jumped him and began maiming him as if murder wasn't wrong.

"Halt!" Brock shouted, as he, Misty and Ash stood up, suddenly dressed in black leather jackets with short leather mini-skirts. "You'll never get away with this!"

The Tracey-bashers all looked up at the trio.

"It's the Angels!" one shouted.

"Get them!" another implored.

The girls, I mean, two guys and a girl, assumed karate-like stances and waited for everyone to come at them. After dodging several hundred rounds of bullets, they kicked and punched everyone into submission.

"It's too late," Gary shook his head, standing over Tracey. "The poor guy, he never stood a chance."

"You bastards! You killed Tracey!" the Angels who had defended him sobbed.

Creepy violin music began as a cloud of mist entered from the door, and from this white welcome carpet emerged death—the Grim Reaper himself.

As if floating on air, the reaper held out his scythe toward Tracey's body.

"Wait wait wait," Gary began, stepping in front of Tracey and facing the reaper. "C'mon, don't take the little lard ass now, I mean, he doesn't want to die a virgin! The closest he's ever gotten to a girl was passing out while playing truth or dare! And look at the bastard, still naked! Take the loser instead!" Gary pointed to Ash.

"Hey!" Ash shouted, snorting in indignance.

The reaper held out a fist, and Gary stared at it, a puzzled look upon his face.

The reaper rolled his eyes. "Roh sham bo, dickwad," he explained.

"Ohhh," Gary nodded, then realized that his grandpa's assistant's life depended on rock paper scissors.

Sometimes life was just one big rabid dog bite in the ass.

Gary and the Reaper played roh sham bo for a time, but the Reaper always seemed to be a step ahead of Gary. Gary was about to accuse him of cheating, when he began to talk.

"Tell you what," he put away the scythe, "I'm feeling generous today."

The reaper walked away, and Tracey stood. He was different—somehow.

"I feel like shit," a new, green-skinned Tracey complained as he stood up and scratched his head. A clump of hair came off in his hand.

"What are you fuckers looking at?" he asked to the onlookers.

Ash and Brock turned to each other.

"He's a zombie," they both announced at once.

"Well, at least he's animate," Gary looked on the bright side, "otherwise my grandpa would kill me."

A doctor conveniently walked in at that moment, halting all other conversation.

"We have something you need to see."

----------------Sometime Earlier

"Die, fuckas!" a soldier shouted, reaching for the trigger to release a bomb onto the alien space craft.

"Hold your fire lil' missy!" Surge ordered from Mission control.

So, Jesse complied, though extremely reluctantly.

"We come in peace," a familiar voice announced over a loud speaker. "Please don't kill us, we're too young and beautiful to die!"

The ship suddenly opened up and fired at the peace ship, making it explode. Luckily, the person inside just went flying through the air, landing on Jesse's ship and miraculously surviving. Jesse opened her hatch, letting him in.

_Forget this!_ Jesse thought, then turned her loudspeaker on as well.

"Prepare for trouble!" she said into it.

"And make it double!" James shoved her over and said into the loud speaker.

"To protect the world from the likes of you!"

"To turn all aliens to E.T. stew!"

"To keep our asses from blowing away!"

"To get from the military our severance pay!"

"Jesse!"

"James!"

"Team Rocket kicks butt at the speed of light!"

"You assholes just asked for a great big fight!"

"Meowth, dat's right!" came over another loud speaker.

"Meowth?" Jesse and James both asked.

"Yep!" he announced. "I was very convincing, dey gave me a plane and told me ta fight!"

Jesse was about to go kamikaze when the space ship opened up at the middle and a multitude of red, translucent creatures stormed out. 

"Get 'em!" Jesse ordered.

One unlucky yet extremely expendable ship crossed the path of one of the aliens. 

"God nooooo!" he shouted, and it was heard on the radios of every plane—a giant cheese-wedge was blasted from his body, then the dude's plane fell to the ground and crashed.

"We're outta here," Jesse announced, and evasive measures were taken.

The plane was safely getting the hell out of Dodge when Jesse and James noticed that they were being trailed by one of the strange aliens.

"It's gonna get us!" James shouted. He was crumpled up in the back window since the jet only seated one, and he could see all the action very clearly. "We're gonna die!"

"Blast off time?" Jesse pouted as she spoke into the radio.

"Blast off time," the voice of Meowth agreed.

So she yanked James from his sobbing, smushed state and sat him on her lap, then pressed the unholy eject button.

"Team Rocket's blasting off agaaaaaaaaaain!" they all shouted.

----------------back at Area 51

"Don't you guys EVER leave us alone?" Ash boggled. "God, we're all gonna DIE and all you can think about is Pikachu!"

"Actually," the doctor interrupted before Jesse could scream, "they landed here after ejecting from an jet plane. Seeing as they were nowhere near here before hand, it really is quite miraculous."

"Leavin' on a jet plane," Brock began singing.

"This is what you wanted us to see?" Tracey asked above the din of Brock's voice.

"No," the doctor shook his head for effect, "this is what I wanted you to see."

A great deal of holographic computers suddenly manifested over Jesse's body. The doctor pressed a few buttons, and a projection of a huge mass of writhing worm-looking things in a ball formed in the air.

"This is what the aliens look like," he explained.

"Ewww, nasty," Misty blanched, and everyone turned away.

The doctor looked up and did a double take.

"Oh, sorry," he laughed. "That's the contents of her stomach."

He pressed another few buttons, and another projection emerged—this time it was a tiny blue creature with a white cap, white pants and a fuzzy blue tail which was trapped within her.

"Those are the aliens?" Tracey gawked.

"Yes," the doctor began to pace. "They don't look like much, but they infest your body and force out your soul. They call themselves smurves, or something like that."

"It's smurf, dickwad!" the little thing shouted. "And I'm grouchy, shit-eater!"

"Yes," the doctor coughed, "yes, well, enough of that." He closed the projection.

"Doc," James coughed and stepped up to the doctor's ear, "are you sure that hasn't _always_ been inside of her?"

"Heavens no," the doctor affirmed. "These definitely come from the aliens."

"He's a little like Gary," Ash pondered.

"Doctor!" a voice rang down the hall. "She's fading fast! We're gonna have to stabilize her and exorcise it now!"

"Daaaah," Brock began to melt, "who are you, miss lovely?"

"The name's Arrow," she quickly replied, slapping on a latex glove. "One of you can stay, the rest of you can get out."

"I wanna stay!" Brock whined.

"She's my partner!" James argued.

"Mine too!" Meowth chimed in.

"Uh," Arrow looked from person to person, then shoved everyone but Gary out by force.

"Huh?" Gary did a double take. "I don't even know the bitch."

----------Back outside the operating room

"Hi!" the young lady greeted everyone, "I'm Ariala, and I'll be your tour guide today!"

Everyone grumbled, but followed anyway.

"To your left, you'll see our labs," she explained, "everything in these labs has to be sanitary, so--"

"You'd better keep away from it, herpes breath," zombie-meanified Tracey nudged Brock in the ribs.

"You're the living dead one," Brock growled back.

"Hey, shut your fucking face, mothafucka!" Tracey yelled, but was suddenly incapacitated as a frying pan whacked him over the head.

"It's uncle fucka," Ariala corrected sweetly, returning the frying pan to a pocket. "Now where was I? Oh yes. To your right you'll see the pokemon experimentation labs. A million Pikachu run the electricity in this place--"

"Pikachu," Ash scratched his head. "Where did it go?"

"You left it at home, didn't you?" Misty blinked in surprise.

"I forgot to bring it when we left to go see the elite four!" Ash cried. "It must be dead by now! Fried, like a zucharelli!"

Ash suddenly fell to the floor, his head practically bashed in.

"Zucchini," Ariala corrected, put away the frying pan, and they moved on in the tour.

"Aaaaaa!" Gary shouted, running up to them with all his clothes torn off.

"Gary!" Ash gawked, "did the alien break loose and rip off your clothes? What did it do to you?"

"No!" Gary shouted, "that doctor's assistant ripped off my clothes, but the alien DID get out! He's attacking the doctor! We gotta save him!"

The group ran down the hall to the conveniently-transparent walls outside the lab. The room was in a big fog, and a young girl was sitting outside the door, panting.

"Arrow!" Misty ran up to her. "Are you hurt? What did the alien do to you?"

"No, I'm panting because Gary is standing there half naked," she explained, "but the alien has taken over the doctor's mind!"

"Noooooooooooo!" Tracey shouted, until a car ran by and hit him.

"Tracey!" Gary ran over to him. "I already saved you once, damnit!"

"Don't worry," Tracey stood up, mumbling. "I don't think I can die again."

Their pleasantries were cut short, however, as the doctor's face became plastered on the window, and he began to telepathically breathe heavily although he was already dead, and a strange voice was manipulated out of his vocal cords.

"Feeeeed me," he scratched out. "Feeeed me, Seymore!"

Daisy, who was making out with some guy in the corner up to this point, suddenly came out of hiding and tried to talk with the beast.

"Like, why do you guys keep bombing us?" she thought, since she could speak with it telepathically. "Can't we like, all get along? I mean, there are plenty of shopping malls for everyone, it'll be totally cool."

Daisy seemed to be entranced for a moment, then was relinquished. The doctor's body fell to the ground, and Jesse walked up behind the alien and strangled it to death, though it was hard considering its neck was less than an inch long or wide.

"Jesse!" James shouted, and waited for her to run out to him.

"Stupid stupid stupid little alien," she coughed while getting out of the smoke of the room.

"Dude," Daisy began, "like, these aliens want to kill us all and use our land to grow shrooms! I saw it in this vision I had! It was totally disturbing!"

"Whatever," Jesse shoved Daisy back into the guy she was with before. "We have some ass to kick!"

A long scene where guns and every manner of gun and technical ammo were somehow strapped on to our heroes ensues.

"Let's go," Jesse ordered, and they all ran outside to fight the aliens, who had conveniently manifested outside of Area 51.

"Give us your best shot!" Jesse shouted, firing a round of bullets from her machine gun up at the space ship.

Space ship after space ship came and formed above the area, until the sky was so thick with space ships that the world became too dark to see.

Ash sighed, "I think it's time to transform. No one can see me right now."

And the music began. . .

The space ships began to come together to form a gigantic uber-robot woman, it formed—a gigantic Britney Spears!

"Raaaooooar!" It growled, and a projection came from its eyes.

"I am EVIL smurf," the person in the projection proclaimed, "witness my greatest creation! Femme bot SPEARS!"

"You'll never get away with it, Evil Smurf!" a voice shouted from below the monster. 

A young boy with black, wild hair stood clad in a camouflage-color sailor outfit, striking numerous poses.

"I won't allow you to take over the earth!" he continued, "this earth was made for much more than just mushrooms and tiny blue dudes! I am Sailor Commando, and in the name of an underwearless existence, you're punished!"

"Yeah right, Sailor Dumbasses!" Evil smurf got in the last word, and the projection disappeared.

"Commando!" a small, female voice called from the ground. It was pikachu! "Did you remember your wand?"

"Ooops!" Commando became sheepish. "I left it at home! But hey, I left you too!"

"Yes you did, you big ditz!" Pikachu scolded, throwing a pink wand up to Sailor Commando. "You're lucky the other senshi are here to bail you out!"

"Other senshi?"

A senshi clad in a gray collar and skirt with a brown bowtie stood drooling at the robot until kicked in the shin.

"Oh," he shook his head, "right."

"For tempting us with a large gorgeous woman I can never have, you're punished!" he blurted, "and, I, err, I'm Sailor Granite!" he added as an afterthought.

"For taking the shape of something as uninteresting as the same shape every young man has tried to draw at one point or another, in the name of Rembrandt, you're punished!" a third in a multi-color sailor suit shouted.

"I'll kill you, bitch!" the last one, in a sailor suit with a bowtie, skirt and collar of black shouted. "For I am Sailor Allpowerfulgod!"

"That's not your name," Sailor Rembrandt's lip twitched.

The robot merely growled again and began shooting at the bunch with lasers from her—err—dirty pillows.

"Aaaah!" the boys all shouted, running around and falling over in their high heels.

The robot pulled her chest back to deal the death blow, when suddenly a dead magikarp whisked by, slicing off her gun-nipples.

"It's Tuxedo Mermaid!" the eyes of the senshi became giant hearts.

"I love her!" Sailor Granite proclaimed.

"I wonder who she is?" Sailor Commando asked, "and she's mine!"

"Not if I get to her first!" Sailor Rembrandt argued.

"I'm Sailor Allpowerfulgod," the last one said, "I get the girl!"

"I cannot let you get away with trying to steal the life out of these young boys while they're still virgins!" she announced while standing atop a lamppost, "well, virgins aside from the pies! And for making me look even more flatchested! Senshi, you know what to do!"

The senshi all nodded.

Jesse, Meowth and James looked at each other, sweatdropped, and ran like hell.

"Rock beam smash!" Sailor Granite shouted, holding out a finger. A chain of rocks formed behind him and smashed into the robot.

"Hell inferno!" The senshi that called himself Allpowerfulgod shouted, and fire blasted from his hands at the robot.

"Shine Paint Illusion!" Rembrandt shouted, and swirling colors manifested all around him, and then froze the robot in place while the other attacks slammed into it.

"You know what to do, Commando!" Tuxedo Mermaid nodded down to the senshi.

"Mmm hmm!" Commando nodded, then pulled out a wand.

"Noooooo!" the robot shouted for hours on end as Commando powered up with his wand.

"Commando Warrior Linderhosen-izatioooon!" he shouted, and a thousand beams of underwear-shaped light hit the robot, smashing it into pieces.

"Good job, girls," Pikachu shouted, then shook her head, "I mean, guys."

"Let's detransform before Misty gets back!" Ash suggested, and they all detransformed.

Misty came waltzing by, utilizing the ever popular as-if-on-cue factor, appearing a little beat up.

"Where were you, Misty?" Brock asked, running up and hugging her tightly. He sniffed the air for a minute before continuing, "and why do you smell like seafood?"

"Uh," she looked around, "I was blasted into a tuna cannery, I swear."

"Blech," Brock plugged his nose. "How did you survive being blasted?"

"I don't know!" Misty growled.

"How did you get back here from the tuna cannery so fast?" he asked.

"Can it, bitch!" Misty growled, slapping Brock upside the head.

"They're fighting!" Tracey announced, "it must mean they're in love!"

"Shut-up," Gary smacked Tracey over the head, "I fight with you all the time, pus licker!"

"You fight with EVERYONE all the time," Ash kicked Gary in the shin, "you must be a really big whore!"

And that's how the brawl began. . .

------------Back inside Area 51

"Do you have any sixes?" Jesse raised an eyebrow as she looked over her cards at Meowth.

"Go remoraid," Meowth stuck his tongue out at Jesse.

"BS!" James shouted. 

Meowth and Jesse looked up at him strangely.

"I called your bluff!" James announced.

"We're playing go remoraid," Meowth informed James.

"Come on," James tapped his foot, "you haven't had anything we've asked for in hours!"

"I only have one CARD!" Meowth scratched James' face.

"Draw four!" James shouted with glee, "you didn't call Uno!"

Jesse whacked James with a fan.

James sniffled and walked off to the bedroom. He returned, wearing a pink tank top and flower-print shorts.

"Hey guys," he asked, "does this make me look gay?"

"No, man," Meowth replied, drawing a card from the deck.

James then grabbed some scissors and cut the middle out of the shorts so it was a skirt. "How about now?"

"No," Jesse shrugged, "it's cool."

"No gayer that usual," Meowth coughed under his breath.

"Hey guys!" Ash gushed, running into the room, "the Sailor Senshi came and saved us all!"

"Really?" Jesse pretended to be interested, but didn't look up from her cards.

"Uh oh," a voice came from the top of a bookshelf, "this is getting boring, I'd better do something!"

"Puck," another tiny voice and a tiny bitchslap could be heard from the bookshelf as well, "they've just been through a huge ordeal! Couldn't you leave them alone?"

"Not a chance, Flory," Puck rubbed his hands together, "not a chance."

"Okay cool," Flory quickly got over his indiscressions, "whatcha gonna do to them?"

"Weep when you lose and keep what you find," Puck began a spell, "but never lie, and always speak your mind."

"I think some of them do that anyway," Flory scratched his head.

"Yeah," Puck shrugged, "but trust me, it'll get interesting."

"Have any aces?" Meowth asked Jesse.

"This game sucks ass," Jesse suddenly became angered, and threw all her cards at Meowth. "I was gonna lose anyway, crap head! Go ahead! Gloat! Gloat you damned pseudo-retarded feline!"

"Man," Meowth put his paws on his hips, "you always were a sore loser! Why do I always put up with your shit?"

"Y'all are dumber than hell," Gary spat.

Jesse merely reached over and pinched Gary's neck like a Vulcan, putting him to sleep immediately.

"Why ARE you always so cranky, Jesse?" James asked.

"Why the hell do you think?" Jesse snapped, "I haven't had sex in three years! It's not like your gay ass is gonna give me any!"

"I'm not gay," James blinked. "Only my boyfriend is."

"Daaaaah!" Jesse shouted.

"Hey!" Brock's eyes widened, "I could fix that for you!"

"Not today, you aren't!" Misty hissed, grabbing Brock's ear fiercely.

"Misty," Brock shook his head away, "why do you always keep me from getting laid?"

"If I can't get laid," she fumed, "you can't either!"

"Hey," Brock nudged her with his elbow, "come and ride the train, man, I could fix that for ya!"

Misty looked from side to side in the room. 

"Okay."

Misty and Brock ran off.

"Awww hell," Jesse growled, "dumb bitch!"

"Well," Tracey eyed Jesse seductively, "ever wanted to get laid by a zombie?"

"Not really," Jesse looked away, and then looked back, "but--what the hell."

So thus Jesse and Tracey ran off.

"I guess that just leaves you and me," Ash sighed unhappily to James.

"Uh," James grabbed Meowth by the paw, "no it doesn't."

And so James and Meowth ran off.

"I guess that just leaves me and passes out Gary," Ash sighed, and then looked from side to side in the room.

And thus the story ran off.


End file.
